That gnawing restlessness, the "is this all there is?" feeling, the sense that something's missing even though your life looks perfect—that's not a crisis. It's your soul calling you home to yourself. And it's not asking you to blow up your life. It's asking you to finally show up in it.

When I was 38 years old, I found myself at a crossroads, pondering who I truly was and what more life had to offer.

Okay, that's bullshit.

I was falling apart.

The "me" that had it all together and had built such a "good life"...loved being a mom, was married to a doctor, and lived in a beautiful home in a wonderful community...was hanging on by a thread.

But you'd never know it.

A smile on my face, getting it all done, and keeping it all together on the outside.

It was foreign to me to feel such internal dissonance.

I'd spent my life in control, in charge of my destiny, intentionally creating the life and family I envisioned.

So, I couldn't understand what was happening to me.

And there was no map for the territory I felt compelled to explore.

I was at an inflection point—the life I'd been living felt too small and confining. I was dissatisfied and unfulfilled. And I was restless for something more.

But I had no clue what "more" even meant.

Because I had no context for what I was going through, my beautiful brain, the meaning-making machine it is, sought to find a "reason" for this internal distress.

And, because there were some justifiable reasons to blame my marriage, "she" determined that my marriage (and husband) were the problem.

All this did was kept me distracted and stuck for a while.

Until I realized that what I was actually experiencing was a "midlife awakening."

My Soul was tapping me on the shoulder, asking me to wake up and see that up until then, I'd been living a half-lived life.

I had developed my external life so beautifully.

But it was time to put the same effort into my internal life.

As Socrates said, it was time for me to "know thyself."

So began my journey to awaken to ALL of who I am.

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves."
— Henry David Thoreau

At a certain point in life, many of us find ourselves standing at an unexpected crossroads.

The path we've meticulously crafted thus far—with its carefully achieved milestones of career success, family, and societal approval—suddenly feels constraining, even hollow.

Are You Experiencing a Midlife Awakening?

Here are five clues you are:

1. Persistent Emotional Restlessness

• A deep, gnawing feeling that something is "off"

• Feeling simultaneously bored and anxious (and even genuinely happy and enjoying your life in many ways)

• Sensing a profound disconnect between your outer life and inner world

• An unexplainable sense of longing for something undefined

2. Identity Erosion

• Feeling like you've lost touch with who you truly are

• Questioning the roles you've played (perfect mother, dutiful wife, successful professional)

• Experiencing a sense of invisibility or irrelevance

• Struggling to recognize yourself when you look in the mirror

3. Relationship Dissonance

• Feeling emotionally distant from your partner

• Experiencing a lack of genuine intimacy (wanting it but also afraid of it)

• Recognizing that many of your relationships are based on performance rather than authenticity

• A growing desire to surround yourself with people who see and accept your true self

4. Physical and Emotional Exhaustion

• Chronic fatigue that isn't relieved by rest

• Increased sensitivity and emotional volatility

• Unexplained physical symptoms (tension, headaches, sleep disruptions)

• A sense of running on empty, despite appearing successful externally

5. Existential Questioning

• Asking, "Is this all there is?"

• Feeling an urgent need to discover deeper meaning

• Experiencing a heightened awareness of mortality

• A strong impulse to make significant life changes

• Feeling both terrified and excited by the possibility of radical transformation

This midlife awakening is not a failure or crisis but an invitation.

A profound call to something deeper: a journey of radical self-discovery and authentic living.

This is when we're being called into the second half of life, where we move beyond meeting external expectations and courageously reconnect with our true selves, heal old wounds, and create a life of genuine fulfillment by turning inward and embracing our whole, limitless identity.

The First Half of Life: Building Foundations

The first half of our lives is a time of striving, external expectations, and responding to the question, "What does life want from me?"

It's a time of building our identity, pursuing the lower levels of basic needs on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:

• Academic achievements

• Building careers

• Buying cars, homes, and all the things

• Finding a spouse

• Raising children

• Cultivating a sense of community

This stage is characterized by external achievements and societal milestones, laying the groundwork for adult life and fulfilling conventional expectations of security, stability, and success.

As Abraham Maslow, in his 1943 paper "A Theory of Human Motivation," published in Psychological Review, observed:

"It is quite true that man lives by bread alone — when there is no bread. But what happens to man's desires when there is plenty of bread and when his belly is chronically filled? At once, other (and 'higher') needs emerge and these, rather than physiological hungers, dominate the organism."

As humans satisfy lower-level needs, they become compelled to pursue higher-level needs like self-actualization and striving for higher levels of intrinsic satisfaction.

The Call to Higher Levels of Internal Satisfaction

As was true for me, you may have reached midlife having ticked all these boxes but feel unfulfilled, restless, or disconnected.

It's a common experience:

You've done what you were supposed to and were told would make you "happy," yet here you are, and something feels undeniably off.

Note: this is not wrong or bad. In fact, it's important and normal. It's because of this first half of life living stage of life that we create the foundation from which we can reach for more.

This is why when you've built a "good enough life," you've likely built enough safety and security to feel called to move up Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

Whether you label it a midlife crisis, transition, breakthrough, or awakening doesn't matter.

Recognizing it as an invitation to grow is what matters.

Midlife technically starts around 37.5 for women, but this invitation isn't bound by age; it's marked by a longing for authenticity, depth, and purpose beyond family and societal roles, rules, and responsibilities.

In the second half of our lives, it's the time to re-evaluate and unhook from those roles, rules, and responsibilities that have confined us and kept us smaller than we're meant to be.

It's time to reconnect to our true selves and reclaim our wholeness.

"Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research."
— Carl Jung

When Did We Learn to Self-Abandon?

As children, we learn to prioritize our caregivers' happiness over our own needs. This adaptation is crucial for survival, as we depend on adults for our well-being.

Dr. Gabor Maté explains that children are biologically wired to seek attachment and approval from their caregivers, as this connection is crucial for their survival and development. This often happens at the cost of their authenticity.

Maté emphasizes that this choice isn't conscious but rather an instinctive response to ensure emotional and sometimes physical safety.

This is when we learn to turn away from ourselves (self-abandonment) and toward external measures of our "okayness."

We become what we think is "acceptable" to others—seeking approval and validation from the outside world and cutting off from anything we fear will cause us to be rejected or abandoned.

The Mechanism of Self-Abandonment

This process of self-abandonment involves:

• Adapting to our environment

• Seeking external validation

• Turning away from our true selves

• Suppressing aspects of ourselves that might lead to rejection

• Doing what it take to earn love and approval

Long-Term Consequences

As we grow, this adaptive behavior can lead to:

• Disconnection from "Self"

• Persistent fear of judgment, rejection, or abandonment

• Cycles of people-pleasing and self-neglect

• An emotional barometer calibrated to external factors rather than internal wisdom

• Vulnerability to others' opinions and societal expectations

What Self-Abandonment Might Look Like in Real Life

Imagine a woman who...

...always says yes to more work, fearing that declining might make her seem incompetent or unlikable. This constant self-sacrifice leaves her exhausted and resentful, yet unable to prioritize her own needs.

...completely loses herself in the role of caregiver, neglecting her own interests, friendships, doctor's appointments, exercise, and self-care. She feels guilty any time she does something for herself.

...attends events she doesn't enjoy or spends time with people who drain her energy because she's afraid of disappointing others or being left out.

...stays silent or agrees with others, even when she has a different viewpoint, to avoid potential conflict or disapproval.

...suppresses her true feelings, always presenting a happy facade to the world, even when she's struggling internally.

...gives up activities, TV shows, and interests she enjoys because her partner or friends don't approve of or understand them.

...continues to play a role in her family (e.g., the peacemaker, the achiever) that was assigned to her in childhood, even though it no longer fits who she is.

The Impact on Adult Life

Self-abandonment affects us profoundly:

• We become like leaves in the wind, swayed by external circumstances

• Our capacity for genuine happiness and fulfillment diminishes

• Forming deep, meaningful connections becomes challenging

• We may lead lives that look good externally but feel empty internally

The Path Forward

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change.

By gradually reconnecting with our authentic selves and learning to value our inner wisdom, we can begin to break the cycle of self-abandonment and move towards a more fulfilling, genuine life.

"Midlife is not a crisis. Midlife is an unraveling. By definition, an unraveling is a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the most authentic version of yourself possible."
— Brené Brown

Breaking Free from Self-Abandonment

Now that you understand self-abandonment, how it happens, and the consequences, you may wonder how to get out of this pattern.

Step 1: Awareness of Our External Focus

Most of us learn to fulfill external expectations while disconnecting from our true selves.

We chase temporary satisfaction through sensory experiences—dining out, shopping sprees, luxurious vacations—that momentarily fill, but ultimately mask, our deeper longing for genuine self-connection.

Step 2: Redefining "More"

When we feel an internal longing for "more," we often misinterpret it as a need for external gains: a better job, more possessions, a more romantic partner.

In reality, this longing is for MORE of our authentic selves.

Step 3: Cultivating Inner Richness

The next quest is to cultivate a rich interior life. This means:

• Practicing the art of turning inward

• Peeling back the layers of conditioning, masks, and armor

• Discovering who we are underneath those layers

• Exploring emotional depth

• Accessing our full range of emotions

• Becoming our own source of safety and validation

• Bringing more of our true selves into our daily lives

Step 4: Integrating Worldly and Spiritual Aspects

We don't have to abandon modern comforts to achieve spiritual depth.

The key is conscious engagement:

• Drive our fancy car knowing it doesn't define us

• Enjoy good food intentionally

• Wear brand-name clothes while valuing our inner worth

• Binge-watch Netflix occasionally, balanced with self-reflection time

The essence lies in choice and consciousness—being in the world but not of it.

Step 5: Shifting from Doing to Being

The sacred second half of life focuses on how we show up in the world.

This might look like:

• Realizing we're loved and valued for who we ARE, not what we DO

• Maintaining inner peace amidst life's challenges

• Aligning actions with personal values, even when they differ from societal norms

• Participating in society without losing our sense of self

• Balancing worldly engagement with personal growth

Remember, this transition is a journey.

Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you explore this new way of being.

From Boat to Lighthouse

Picture a lighthouse anchored to a rocky shore—its foundation rooted deep in bedrock. As storms rage and waves crash, it stands resolute—unmoved by the chaos surrounding it.

We can be the lighthouse where the storms represent life's challenges and external pressures.

By developing a strong inner core of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and authenticity, we become like the lighthouse's solid foundation. Our values and sense of self are the bedrock upon which we stand.

While the waves of life's ups and downs continue to crash around us, we remain centered and grounded.

We observe the storms without being swept away by them.

Our stability comes not from controlling external circumstances, but from our unwavering connection to our true selves.

Reconnecting to Yourself

Imagine having an internal plug, much like one you'd plug into a wall.

You might unknowingly walk around with this plug, holding it out in front of you, seeking someone you can connect to—to validate you, make you feel good, or provide safety.

Your energy is dependent upon external circumstances—energy-providing or energy-zapping.

Most of us don't even realize that we do this.

Imagine, instead, turning that plug around and connecting it to yourself.

Plugging you into your deeper self.

This act would transform you from self-abandoning into a self-validating, loving, and safety-generating machine—tethered internally and no longer reliant on external sources for these essential feelings and needs.

You have the ability to become the source of everything you've believed you can only get from others.

When 'Good Enough' Is No Longer Enough

In the second half of our lives, we're called toward our hearts and souls.

Called back to our wholeness.

Toward our truth.

Home to ourselves.

We're invited to weave together our...

...strength with softness
...doing with being
...giving with receiving
...capability with vulnerability
...fast pace with slowness
...thinking with feeling
...certainty with wondering and humility
...surface life with depth
...mundane with profound
...boundaries with oneness
...toughness with tenderness
...head with heart
...resilience with dependence
...knowing with curiosity
...achieving with resting

...into the tapestry of the entirety of our experience as a human.

Remove the masks.

Soften the armor.

Drop the walls.

Unguard our heart.

To discover and reclaim ALL the parts we were forced to disconnect from to survive.

Our full power resides in our wholeness.

In the second half of our lives, we choose to thrive.

To live and love fully.

This isn't about detaching from the world but integrating a richer sense of self within it.

Real fulfillment comes from knowing ourselves deeply and nurturing an internal relationship that's resilient amid life's ups and downs.

Leveling Up Through Self-Parenting

To ascend Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and enter the second half of life, we must become the nurturing parents we always needed and wanted as children—healing and growing ourselves in the process.

This is called re-parenting oneself—acknowledging unmet childhood needs and fulfilling them for ourselves as the adults we now are.

We've learned that our problems are "out there." That we have to change our external circumstances to be happy.

But what's more true is that we must change our internal circumstances.

By tending to our inner child, offering tenderness where it was missing, we heal wounds that may be unconsciously wreaking havoc on our adult relationships and choices.

We come to accept and love ourselves the way we needed as children.

This process is confronting—it asks us to face our fears, heal our past, and change long-held perspectives—but its rewards are transformative.

We learn to navigate relationships from a place of wholeness rather than seeking others to fill inner holes they can't possibly fill for us.

Holes we must fill for ourselves.

"The wound is the place where the Light enters you."
— Rumi

Creating Your Sacred Second Half

The sacred second half of life invites us to strip away protective masks and societal conditioning.

It challenges us to reclaim the parts of ourselves once exiled to stay safe and be approved of...and to embrace our complete, authentic selves.

This journey is about coming into the wholeness of who we are.

Embracing the soul's journey isn't easy.

It asks us to—over and over—turn inward, expand, and navigate through 'wobbly stages' and 'messy layers.'

This path requires us to continuously recommit to our soul's calling while acknowledging that evolving (and sometimes feeling like we've made no progress) is an ongoing part of the journey.

Your midlife awakening is not a problem to be solved, but a journey to be explored.

It's your opportunity to shed what no longer serves you and step into a more integrated, powerful version of yourself.

The journey begins with a single, courageous step:

Choosing to listen to the whispers of your soul over the loud expectations of the world.

Your Roadmap for the Journey Home

If you're resonating with this—if you recognize yourself in these signs of midlife awakening—The Whole Soul Way™ was created specifically for this journey.

This comprehensive foundational course (available free on my ELATE podcast on YouTube and podcast channels) guides you through 39 transformative lessons on exactly how to navigate your midlife awakening and come home to yourself.

You'll learn how to:

• Break free from self-abandonment and reconnect to your authentic self

• Reparent yourself and heal the childhood wounds driving your adult patterns

• Cultivate the rich interior life you've been longing for

• Shift from external validation to internal safety and self-trust

• Integrate all the parts of yourself you've kept hidden to survive

• Create a life that feels as fulfilling on the inside as it looks on the outside

This isn't about blowing up your life or escaping your circumstances. It's about finally showing up fully in the life you have—as the whole, authentic, powerful woman you're meant to be.

So much awaits you on this adventure toward uncovering your most authentic self!

Begin your journey:

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Which of the five signs of midlife awakening resonates with you most? Share in the comments below.