Getting triggered isn't a character flaw—it's a trailhead to your deepest wounds. And when you learn to work WITH your triggers instead of being controlled by them, you transform years of reactive patterns into lasting emotional freedom.

I used to have anger management issues.

I would get triggered and completely flip my lid.

I felt powerless to these reactions like I became possessed and out of control.

When I had my children, I realized I needed to get a grip on my reactivity.

Over time, I learned how to work WITH my triggers. To USE them FOR my healing rather than continue to be abused by them (and then abuse others with them).

I'm telling you the honest-to-God truth (ask my husband and kids) that I am hardly ever triggered anymore. And when I am triggered, it's mild, and I can find my way to center pretty quickly.

I'm not naive enough to say that I won't ever get slammed by a trigger again—they ARE part of the healing journey.

But I'm thankful I understand the journey and have the tools to navigate my triggers from an empowered place.

Here's what I've discovered over my own journey and guiding women to work with their emotional triggers over the past decade.

Why Understanding Triggers Matters

Unfortunately, mst women spend YEARS, or their lifetime, stuck in Stage 1 or 2.

They white-knuckle their way through triggering moments, beating themselves up for "still reacting after all this therapy." They collect calming techniques like trading cards—box breathing, tapping, affirmations—but nothing creates lasting change. Because they're treating symptoms, not causes.

They're managing triggers instead of healing them.

The 3 Stages of Emotional Trigger Healing

There are three stages of growth and healing when it comes to getting emotionally triggered, and here's what they look like:

 Stage 1: Abused by Our Triggers 

You get emotionally triggered. You may not even notice because it happens so fast.

You react by lashing out, shutting down, or trying to smooth things over.

If you're lucky, you avoid saying or doing something you'll regret later.

After the initial event, you find yourself consumed by what happened, unable to fully engage with your family or enjoy the present moment.

You ruminate, seeking validation from friends, wanting to make sense of it all.

Over time, the intensity of the trigger starts to fade.

You feel relief but dread that the next time this situation happens, you will be triggered again.

This is the react-regret-repeat cycle that keeps so many of us stuck.

If you're in Stage 1 right now and need immediate help: I've created a short video that walks you through using your 5 senses to come back to calm when you're in the middle of a physiological trigger response. It's a powerful technique for those moments when you feel hijacked by your emotions. 

This technique helps you interrupt the reactive cycle in the moment—but remember, calming down is just the first step. To stop getting triggered by the same things over and over, you need to move through all three stages.

 Stage 2: Aware of Our Triggers 

You get emotionally triggered and immediately notice what it feels like in your body.

You place your hand on your heart and take a few deep breaths, reassuring yourself that you will be okay.

You know that a long exhale will engage your parasympathetic nervous system and bring you back into homeostasis.

You don't act in the moment, knowing that the stimulus is triggering something inside of you.

Instead of seeking validation from others, you stay present to your own experience and continue to regulate your nervous system and center yourself.

As the intensity of the trigger fades and you feel more regulated, you're so relieved that you didn't say or do anything you regret.

You like how you're handling your triggers but wish you wouldn't get triggered so often.

This is progress—but there's a deeper level of healing available.

Here's what most people don't realize: nervous system regulation is essential, but it's not enough.

If you stop at calming yourself down, you're just becoming really good at damage control. The wound is still there. The pattern is still active. And you'll keep getting triggered by the same things over and over—just with better breath work.

This is why so many women say, "I've done YEARS of inner work. Why am I still triggered by my mother-in-law/husband/kids/boss?"

Because you're soothing the reaction without healing the wound.

If you're still getting triggered frequently even after years of inner work and nervous system regulation, you're not alone. Most people get stuck at Stage 2 because they don't understand what triggers are actually revealing.

I created a free guide called Unshakeable You: 3 Keys to Mastering Emotional Triggers that explains exactly why you're still getting triggered and the three specific keys (Capacity, Healing, and Action) you need to finally break free.

 Stage 3: Using Our Triggers 

In stage 3, we take stage 2 to a whole new level.

Once your nervous system has become more regulated and you feel calmer, you don't stop there.

You go into self-inquiry or work with a coach or therapist to reflect on what happened.

If you're using The Whole Soul Way™ framework, you'd do a Dialogue Quadrant™ or Trigger Trail Buddy worksheet (two of the most powerful tools for emotional trigger work), giving space for all of the thoughts, feelings, needs, and voices in your mind to be heard.

As you listen to yourself, you understand why the triggering situation upset and hurt you so deeply.

After you complete this inner work, a sense of peace, confidence, and clarity washes over you.

You feel compassion toward yourself, connecting the situation and feelings to past wounds from times when you were powerless.

You remind yourself that, now, you're an adult, stepping in to tend to the inner child within you that experienced similar hurt.

You remind her that you're no longer powerless and take action to have necessary conversations, set boundaries, and take care of yourself by fulfilling your unmet childhood needs.

Instead of turning away from yourself, seeking to blame others, or trying to make sense of the situation externally, you know how to use the trigger as an opportunity for deeper healing.

Here's a guided meditation/talk to speak to the part of you who is emotionally reactive (the ego defense mechanism) to ask her to step down and allow you to heal this wound:

What You're Actually Healing When You Work With Triggers

Most emotional triggers aren't about the present moment at all.

When your partner's tone of voice sends you into a rage, you're not really mad at his tone. You're reacting to every time your dad yelled at you as a kid and you felt small and powerless.

When your friend cancels plans and you spiral into "nobody actually wants to spend time with me," that's not about her schedule. That's about being the lonely kid who got excluded from birthday parties.

When your teenager rolls their eyes and you want to scream, you're not reacting to teenage sass. You're reacting to decades of feeling dismissed and disrespected.

This is why regulating your nervous system isn't enough.

You can calm yourself down 1000 times, but until you actually heal that childhood wound—until you go back and give that younger version of you what she needed—the trigger will keep firing.

Triggers as Trailheads to Healing

You recognize that emotional triggers are trailheads leading you to the holes that were created by the original childhood wounds.

We're then invited to fill them with the love, validation, and care we needed as children.

Through journaling, inner child reparenting, and other healing practices, you continue the journey of self-healing so that the next time someone touches that wound, it no longer hurts as profoundly.

As you practice this process over and over, the same triggers no longer affect you as profoundly.

In fact, things that triggered you in the past no longer trigger you anymore.

This is what we call emotional freedom.

Real Results from Working WITH Your Triggers

Countless women who I've coached over the years or who have worked with The Whole Soul Way™ framework have experienced significant progress in working with their triggers.

Very quickly, they move through the stages.

They've learned how to work through emotional upsets and difficult situations in moments to a few hours rather than weeks or longer.

So often, when we're triggered or even just upset, our thoughts become jumbled and unreliable.

When we know how to decode our thoughts, we can use them as signposts, guiding us to their underlying feelings, fears, and needs.

This is the essence of true healing.

What Each Stage Actually Looks Like

Let me show you what this looks like in real life:

Stage 1 example: Your husband forgets to pick up the dry cleaning. Again. You explode: "You NEVER follow through! I can't count on you for ANYTHING!" Hours later, you're still fuming, texting your best friend about what an inconsiderate jerk he is.

Stage 2 example: Your husband forgets the dry cleaning. Your chest tightens. You notice you're about to snap. You take three deep breaths, walk away, calm yourself down. You don't explode. Victory! But later that night, you're still annoyed. And you know if he does it again next week, you'll feel exactly the same way.

Stage 3 example: Your husband forgets the dry cleaning. Your chest tightens. You breathe, regulate, then later sit with yourself: "Why does this upset me so much?" You realize it's not really about dry cleaning—it's about feeling unseen, unimportant, like your needs don't matter. Just like when you were a kid and your mom was always too busy for you. You speak to your inner child: "I see you. You matter. I won't forget about you." Then you calmly tell your husband, "When you forget things I've asked for, I feel invisible. I need to know I can count on you." Later, you do self-inquiry work and spend time feeling the original emotion so they release their hold on you. The trigger loses its charge.

How Long Until I Stop Getting Triggered?

This is the question everyone asks.

The honest answer: it depends.

Some triggers heal quickly—sometimes in a single deep session of inner work. Others are layered and take time.

But here's what I can promise: every time you do this work, the trigger loses power.

The first time you work with a trigger at Stage 3 level, you might go from a 10/10 intensity to an 8/10.

The next time that situation happens, you're starting at an 8 instead of a 10.

Do the work again, you're at a 5.

Then a 3.

Then one day, the thing that used to send you into a rage barely registers.

Women working with The Whole Soul Way™ framework report going from taking weeks to recover from a triggering event to processing it in hours or even minutes.

That's the difference between being abused by your triggers and using them as tools for healing.

Your Path to Emotional Freedom

You don't have to stay stuck in the react-regret-repeat cycle.

Start here:

Step 1: Download Unshakeable You: 3 Keys to Mastering Emotional Triggers to understand the three specific keys (Capacity, Healing, and Action) that determine whether you stay stuck or break free. Most people who've done years of inner work are missing just ONE of these keys—and that's what's keeping them triggered.

Step 2: The next time you get triggered, don't just calm yourself down. Ask: "What wound is this touching? When did I first feel this way?" Journal about it.

Step 3: Learn the complete framework in The Whole Soul Way™ (available free on my ELATE podcast on YouTube and podcast channels). You'll get the exact tools—Dialogue Quadrants™, Trigger Trail Buddies, and reparenting practices—that help you move from Stage 1 to Stage 3. 

 

Remember: Every trigger is a trailhead. Every upset is an invitation. Every moment of reactivity is showing you exactly where you need to heal.

You're not broken. You're not too sensitive. You're not a bad mom/wife/person.

You're just still carrying wounds that are ready to be healed.

Let's do this together. 💫❤️🌟

Here's a question: when you look at the 3 Keys (Capacity, Healing, Action), which one do you think you've been neglecting? Most women are surprised by the answer. Drop a comment and let me know!

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FAQ Section

Frequently Asked Questions About Mastering Emotional Triggers

Q: I've tried breathing exercises and they don't work. What am I doing wrong?

A: You're not doing anything wrong. Breathing exercises work for nervous system regulation (Stage 2), but they don't heal the underlying wound (Stage 3). You need both. Think of it this way: breathing calms you down in the moment, but it doesn't remove the thorn that keeps getting poked. That's why the Unshakeable You guide breaks down all three keys you need—Capacity (which includes breathing), Healing (which addresses the wound), and Action (which rewires the pattern). Without all three, you'll stay stuck at Stage 2.

Q: How is this different from therapy?

A: This complements therapy beautifully. Many therapists focus on understanding your patterns and gaining insight. This framework gives you the practical tools to actually heal them and transform how you show up in real life. Some of the best results I've seen are when women use The Whole Soul Way™ tools alongside their therapy work. The combination of professional support plus practical daily tools creates powerful momentum.

Q: What if my triggers are about trauma, not just childhood wounds?

A: This framework works for both. Trauma creates wounds that get triggered. The process is the same: build capacity so you can stay present, do the healing work to address the root cause, and take new action to rewire your responses. However, for complex trauma or PTSD, I strongly recommend working with a trained trauma therapist (EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, etc.) alongside these tools. The healing work is deeper and may require professional support to navigate safely.

Q: My triggers happen SO fast—I don't have time to pause. How can I possibly do this?

A: That's Stage 1, and it's completely normal. The gap between trigger and reaction is initially nonexistent. But here's the thing: as you build capacity (better sleep, less stress, more self-care) and do healing work (understanding why you react this way), that gap naturally expands. It's like a muscle you're building. Start with the Unshakeable You guide to identify which of the three keys you're missing—that's usually what's keeping the reactions so fast and automatic.

Q: I've done SO much inner work already. Why do I still get triggered?

A: This is the most common question I get. Usually, you're missing one of the three keys. Most often, it's either: (1) Capacity - you're depleted, not sleeping well, or under high stress, which makes you more reactive even though you've healed a lot, or (2) Action - you've done tons of healing work but haven't actually changed how you show up in relationships, so the old patterns keep running. The Unshakeable You guide will help you identify exactly which key you're missing.

Q: What if I don't have childhood wounds? My childhood was pretty good.

A: Even in "good" childhoods, we all experienced moments where our needs weren't met, where we felt unsafe, where we learned to adapt and hide parts of ourselves. You don't need to have had terrible trauma to benefit from this work. If you're getting triggered, something is being activated—and that something is worth exploring with curiosity and compassion, not judgment.

Q: I don't want to "reparent" myself—I want my partner/friend/parent to change how they treat me. Isn't that victim-blaming?

A: No, and this is such an important distinction. Reparenting yourself doesn't mean other people get a free pass to treat you poorly. It means you build the inner safety and self-trust to SET BOUNDARIES, have difficult conversations, and advocate for yourself—because you're no longer dependent on them to make you feel okay. Ironically, when you reparent yourself, you become MORE able to stand up for yourself, not less. You stop tolerating mistreatment because you know your worth isn't negotiable.

Q: Can I really do this on my own, or do I need a coach/therapist?

A: Many women make tremendous progress using the free resources—the Unshakeable You guide and The Whole Soul Way™ foundational course on the ELATE podcast. These give you all the tools and frameworks you need. That said, having support accelerates the process and helps you stay accountable. You can work individually with me, or find another coach or therapist who understands this work. Another option is my Evolution Monthly Membership specifically as an affordable middle ground—you get ongoing guidance, live monthly calls where we work through real triggers together, a supportive community of women on the same journey, and accountability to keep you moving forward. It's the support system that helps you actually implement what you're learning, without the cost of one-on-one coaching (and the benefits of group coaching). Learn more about Evolution here.

Q: What if my partner thinks this "inner work" stuff is ridiculous?

A: You don't need your partner's buy-in to heal yourself. In fact, one of the most powerful things about this work is that when YOU change, the entire relationship dynamic shifts—whether your partner does their own work or not. Many women report that as they become less reactive and more grounded, their partners naturally start responding differently. Some partners eventually become curious about the work themselves. Others don't. But your healing isn't dependent on theirs.