I've always been smiley.
Growing up, I watched my mom navigate the world with warmth and pleasantness, and I learned that a smile opens doors. It puts people at ease. It makes you likeable, approachable, safe to be around.
So I smiled. A lot. It became part of my identity—this bubbly, positive, helpful woman who could handle anything with grace and optimism. I was proud of it, actually.
Then a mom from my kids' elementary school told my friend that they couldn't trust me because I smiled too much.
When my friend shared this with me, I was mortified.
Embarrassed. Furious, honestly.
Who was this gossipy woman to judge me? What was wrong with being positive? With being happy?
I wanted to dismiss it entirely. Write her off as bitter, jealous, just plain wrong about me.
But over time, that uncomfortable moment cracked me open to see what I couldn't see alone:
She said she couldn't trust me.
But what she was really showing me?
I couldn't trust others—or myself—enough to let anyone see the full truth of who I was, so I hid behind my smile.
The smile made other people feel comfortable around me. I was unconsciously managing their perception of me...hoping my positivity would make me the kind of person people wanted to be around.
Hoping I'd never have to confirm my fear that people really can't actually handle the real me.
This was the beginning of my learning that everyone is a messenger and a mirror for us.
Even the annoying people. Even the ones who seem to have it out for us. Even the gossips.
Especially when they trigger us!
Their words and actions aren't just about them being critical—they're showing us something about ourselves we can't or won't see alone.
The real question isn't "Why are they doing this to me?" or "Why do I have to deal with this?"
It's "What is this showing me about myself?"
That shift—from defensive to detective—is where our power lives. Where our healing begins. Where we stop waiting for the world to change and start becoming who we're meant to be.
I'll forever be grateful to that woman who couldn't trust my smile.
She helped me find my wholeness—including the parts of me that don't smile. The parts that feel rage, disappointment, and grief. The parts that are tender, intense, sharp-edged, and real.
Want to learn how to see everyone in your life as a messenger and mirror? Watch on YouTube or Listen on Spotify.
What's one criticism or judgment that turned out to be a gift in disguise for you?
Drop it in the comments—I'd love to hear your story.
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