That untethered, insecure feeling? The sense that you don't know who you are anymore? It's not random. It's the cost of spending your whole life abandoning yourself to stay safe and loved. The journey home is learning to reparent yourself—to finally give yourself what you never got. And it changes everything.

You put your hand on your heart.

You take a breath.

And you ask yourself: Who even am I anymore?

Maybe you've been feeling untethered. Ungrounded. Like you're floating through life without an anchor.

Maybe you notice you're more triggered lately—more sensitive to what people say and do, more reactive, more... fragile.

Maybe you feel this vague sense of insecurity that doesn't make logical sense. Your life looks good on paper. You're capable. You're functioning. But something feels off.

Or maybe you just feel existentially exhausted.

Exhausted from the performance. From trying to be what everyone needs. From managing everyone's comfort. From the relentless hustle of proving you're enough, you're good, you're acceptable.

And underneath it all, this quiet, persistent feeling of not knowing who you are anymore.

If this is you, I want you to know something:

You're not broken. You're just disconnected from yourself.

And there's a way home.

[If you prefer to listen, you can listen to a similar "talk" I did about this subject here, on Insight Timer:]

The Wound: How You Learned to Abandon Yourself  

Here's what happened:

When you were little, you learned very quickly which parts of you were acceptable and which parts weren't.

Maybe your anger wasn't okay. Maybe your sadness was too much. Maybe your neediness was called "clingy." Maybe your big feelings were met with "calm down" or "stop being so sensitive" or "I'll give you something to cry about."

So you learned: certain parts of me aren't safe to show.

And because you were a child who needed love and safety and connection to survive, you did what any smart child would do:

You rejected those parts of yourself so that YOU—the whole child—wouldn't be rejected.

You learned to suppress your emotions because the adults around you couldn't fully handle them. (Not because they were bad people—most parents simply weren't taught how to hold big emotions. It wasn't known how important it was until more recently.)

You learned to hide the parts that got negative reactions and show only the parts that got approval.

You learned to orient yourself externally—to read the room, manage other people's comfort, be what they needed you to be.

This was survival. This was brilliant. This kept you safe.

But here's what nobody told you:

Those rejected parts didn't disappear. They're still there. And the distance you created between your "acceptable self" and your "true self" is the source of almost all your suffering now.

The Cost of Self-Abandonment  

Fast forward to now.

You're an adult. You're not dependent on your parents for survival anymore. You're very capable, maybe even successful.

But you're still living like that child who learned she had to be different than she is to be loved.

You're still:

• Orienting externally (needing others to act a certain way so you can feel okay)
• Performing (showing the acceptable version, hiding the real you)
• Rejecting parts of yourself (the anger, the neediness, the mess, the vulnerability, the uncertainty)
• Hustling for validation (proving you're good enough, acceptable enough, worthy enough)

And here's what that creates:

Insecurity - Because you're not grounded in yourself; you're grounded in other people's perception of you

Triggers - Because anything that touches those rejected parts activates the old wound

Exhaustion - Because performing 24/7 is unsustainable

Loneliness - Because nobody knows the real you (how could they when you're hiding her?)

A sense of "something's missing" - Because there IS something missing: YOU. The essence of who you actually are.

The core of all this pain, all this suffering, all this feeling of "emptiness" is the disconnect from your essence. From your inner child. From the truth of who you are.

And as that divide grows—as the distance between your "social self" and your "true self" gets bigger—the more discomfort you feel. The less safe. The more untethered.

Because you are literally disconnected from yourself.

The Truth About Your Inner Child  

Your inner child isn't just a cute concept or a therapy buzzword.

Your inner child is:

• The younger parts of you that still carry unmet needs
• The essence of who you truly are beneath the masks
• The emotions that were never fully held or validated
• The parts you exiled to stay safe
• The truth of you that's been covered by layers of protection

And here's what I know for sure:

You can't feel whole when you're actively abandoning parts of yourself.

You can't feel safe when you're disconnected from your own essence.

You can't feel grounded when you're oriented externally, waiting for the world to tell you you're okay.

The way home is through reconnection.

Reconnection to the parts you rejected.
Reconnection to the feelings you suppressed.
Reconnection to the needs you learned to ignore.
Reconnection to the essence—the inner child—that's been waiting for you all along.

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What Reparenting Actually Means

Now, your parents may have been wonderful. Or they may not have been. Either way, no parents completely meet every need of their child.

Very few parents have been able to really meet their children emotionally. Most parents gave their kids the impression that they had to be different than they are to be acceptable.

The good news? You don't have to stay stuck there.

You can learn to love yourself the way you weren't loved as a child. The way you deserved to be loved. The way you needed to be loved.

This is reparenting.

Reparenting is the act of parenting yourself—of stepping into the role of the loving, attuned, unconditionally accepting parent you needed and becoming that for yourself now.

It means:

• Going back to the moments where your needs weren't met and meeting them now
• Holding the emotions that nobody could hold for you then
• Reclaiming the parts you exiled to stay safe
• Giving yourself the validation, safety, and love you've been seeking externally

Reparenting doesn't mean:

• Your parents were terrible (they did their best with what they had)
• You're blaming anyone (this is about reclaiming yourself, not assigning fault)
• You become self-indulgent or lose boundaries (quite the opposite—you become more grounded and clear)

It means you finally stop abandoning yourself the way you learned to as a child.

The Journey Home to Yourself  

I know this might seem nebulous. Unclear. A little esoteric.

You can't just decide you're going to learn this today and have it all figured out by tomorrow.

This is truly a life path.

I call it The Whole Soul Way™—the way where we go back and find all the holes in us:

• The emotional holes
• The holes of parts we put aside
• The holes in the way we were loved

And we fill those holes through reparenting.
Through growing up our nervous system.
Through courageously showing up more and more as our true selves.

But here's what I want you to know:

You already know the way back home. You're always being given breadcrumbs along the trail.

Your triggers? They're showing you where you need healing. [Read More]
Your uncomfortable feelings? They're pointing to unmet needs.
That sense of "something's wrong"? It's your soul calling you back to yourself.

Sometimes we just need a little help seeing those breadcrumbs and following them home.

Simple Practices to Begin Reconnecting  

You don't need to have it all figured out to start. Here are some simple ways to begin the journey of reparenting yourself:

1. The Hand-to-Heart Practice

Right now, put your hand on your heart.

If that doesn't feel good, move your hand somewhere else—your belly, wrapped around yourself, holding your own hands. Wherever feels connecting and nourishing.

This gesture becomes your gesture of reconnecting to yourself.

Use it when you're activated, when you're sad, when something hurts, when you're taking something personally.

Hand on heart. Breath. Remind yourself to connect.

Because the deepest wound is the separation from yourself. And reconnection is the medicine.

2. Ask: "What Do You Need Right Now?"

When you notice you're struggling, pause.

Put your hand on your heart and ask your inner child: "What do you need right now?"

Then listen. Actually listen.

Maybe she needs:

• To be seen and validated
• To cry without being fixed
• To be held (literally—wrap your arms around yourself)
• To be told she's not too much
• To hear "you're safe now, I've got you"
• Permission to rest, to say no, to need

Meet that need yourself. Don't wait for someone else to do it.

3. Speak to Yourself the Way You Needed to Be Spoken To

Notice how you talk to yourself internally.

Are you critical? Demanding? Dismissive of your feelings?

That's the internalized parent—the voice you learned from the adults who raised you.

Reparenting means consciously choosing a different voice:

Instead of: "Stop being so sensitive"
Try: "Your feelings make sense. It's okay to feel this way."

Instead of: "You should be over this by now"
Try: "Healing takes time. You're doing the best you can."

Instead of: "What's wrong with you?"
Try: "You're not broken. You're human. And I love you even when you're imperfect."

4. Notice When You Abandon Yourself

Start paying attention to the moments you:

• Say yes when you mean no
• Suppress your feelings to keep the peace
• Prioritize others' comfort over your truth
• Perform instead of being real
• Judge yourself for having needs

These are moments of self-abandonment.

You don't have to fix them all at once. Just notice. Get curious. Ask: "What am I afraid will happen if I don't abandon myself here?"

5. Meet One Unmet Need This Week

Think about a need you had as a child that didn't get met.

Maybe you needed:

• More physical affection
• Someone to play with you
• Permission to be silly or loud
• To be told you were enough just as you were
• Space to feel your feelings without being rushed

Meet that need for yourself this week.

Take yourself on a "play date." Give yourself a long hug. Tell yourself "you're enough." Let yourself cry without fixing it.

Your inner child is waiting for you to show up for her. And you can.

 

What Reparenting Looks Like in Real Life

Let's make this concrete. Here's what the practice actually looks like:

The Situation: Your friend cancels plans at the last minute. Again.

Old Pattern (Self-Abandonment):

You text back: "No worries! Totally fine!"

Internally, you feel hurt, disappointed, unimportant.

You ruminate for days about whether she even likes you, make up stories about what you did wrong.

You either pull away resentfully OR over-accommodate next time to prove you're not mad.

Reparenting in Action

Step 1: Notice - You feel disappointment rising, tightness in your chest.

Step 2: Reconnect - Hand on heart, breath. "I'm here. I'm not going to leave you."

Step 3: Inquire - "What does my inner child need right now?"

Step 4: Listen - She needs to know her disappointment matters. That she's not too much for having feelings. That being disappointed doesn't make her needy or dramatic.

Step 5: Give it - "I see you're disappointed. That makes total sense. You were looking forward to this. Your feelings matter. You're allowed to be sad about this. You're not too much."

Step 6: Check in with adult-you - "What do I need now?" Maybe to communicate with your friend. Maybe to reconsider the friendship. Maybe just to feel the feeling fully. 

Step 7: Act from wholeness - You text back: "I was really looking forward to seeing you, so I'm disappointed. Can we reschedule soon?" OR you consciously choose to let it go—but from a grounded place, not self-abandonment.

See the difference?

In the old pattern, you abandoned yourself to keep the peace, then suffered alone.

In reparenting, you tend to yourself FIRST, validate your own experience, THEN choose your action from a grounded, whole place.

This is the practice. Small moments, over and over, choosing to show up for yourself instead of abandoning yourself.

What Changes When You Reparent Yourself

You won't wake up one day and suddenly "arrive" at perfect wholeness. But you'll notice shifts:

You become less reactive

Things that used to trigger you intensely start to feel less charged. You can pause, breathe, tend to yourself instead of immediately reacting or collapsing.

You feel more grounded

That untethered feeling decreases. You feel safer in your own skin. Less dependent on external validation to know you're okay.

You stop performing as much

You notice when you're abandoning yourself—when you're about to say yes but mean no, when you're hiding your truth—and you can choose differently. It becomes easier to show up authentically.

Your relationships shift

As you stop seeking from others what you're now giving yourself, your relationships become less needy and more genuine. You're not in constant subtle negotiation for validation anymore.

You trust yourself more

Your inner knowing gets louder. You know what you need, what you feel, what's true for you—and you trust it. You don't second-guess yourself as much.

You feel more whole

The fragmented feeling decreases. You're not at war with parts of yourself anymore. The internal conflict quiets. You feel more integrated, more YOU.

You reclaim your energy

The exhaustion from performing 24/7 starts to lift. You have more energy for your actual life instead of spending it all managing how you're perceived.

This doesn't happen overnight. But it does happen. Layer by layer, breadcrumb by breadcrumb, you find your way home.

When Inner Child Work Needs Professional Support

Reparenting yourself is powerful and you can do much of it on your own. But some people and situations benefit from working with a trained therapist...

Complex trauma or PTSD - Needs trauma-informed professional guidance (EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, trauma specialist)

Dissociation or severe fragmentation - Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist can help you work with parts safely

Abuse or neglect that feels too overwhelming to approach alone - A therapist creates the safe container you need to process this

This Is Just the Beginning

These practices are entry points—ways to start the reconnection.

But reparenting your inner child is a complete framework, a methodology, a way of being.

It involves:

• Learning to identify which parts you rejected and why
• Understanding how to dialogue with your inner child (not just talk at her)
• Meeting specific unmet needs from childhood
• Healing the wounds that created the disconnection
• Integrating shadow parts (the "unacceptable" ones) back into wholeness
• Building nervous system capacity to hold more of yourself
• Showing up authentically in relationships instead of performing

This is the Work of The Whole Soul Way™

The foundational course (available free on my ELATE podcast on YouTube and podcast channels) teaches you the complete methodology for reparenting your inner child and coming home to yourself.

You'll learn:

• How to actually dialogue with your inner child (the specific process, not just the concept)
• How to identify and meet unmet childhood needs (so you stop seeking them externally)
• How to work with the parts you've rejected (anger, neediness, selfishness—all of it)
• How to build the inner safety that allows you to stop abandoning yourself
• How to integrate shadow alongside inner child work (because you need both for wholeness)
• How to show up as your whole self (not just understand yourself privately)

Start your inner child reparenting journey here…

Watch on YouTube
Listen on Apple
Listen on Spotify

Evolution Monthly Membership: The Ongoing Practice

Reparenting yourself isn't a one-time thing you learn and you're done. New parts emerge. Old wounds resurface in new contexts. The practice deepens over time.

And you need witnesses.

People who see you. Who reflect back what you can't see in yourself. Who lovingly call you out when you're abandoning yourself without realizing it.

That's what Evolution Monthly Membership provides:

• Monthly live calls where we work with real inner child parts together
• A community of women reparenting themselves alongside you
• Ongoing support as new layers emerge and old patterns shift
• The mirror you need to catch when you're still performing, still abandoning, still orienting externally

Because you can't do this work in isolation. You learned to abandon yourself in relationship. You heal in relationship too.

Learn more & sign up

Read More:

• Why Inner Child Work Without Shadow Integration Keeps You Rejecting Yourself - Understand why you need both to feel whole
• How to Stop Getting Triggered - Learn how triggers point you toward inner child wounds
• Your Childhood Wounds Are Running Your Life - Discover how unconscious patterns show up daily

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One Last Thing

Take your hand and put it on your heart right now.

Feel the warmth. The connection. The physical act of you reaching for yourself.

This is you actively, intentionally connecting to yourself.

You may want to close your eyes. Rock a little. Soothe yourself.

This is how you tether yourself from within. How you come back to center. How you remind yourself: I'm here. I'm not abandoning you anymore.

Take a breath.

Thank yourself for being here today. For starting this journey. For finally turning around and walking back home to yourself.

Your inner child is thanking you. Your soul is thanking you.

And I'm here, walking this path with you. 

What's one way you've been abandoning yourself that you're ready to change? Post in the comments!